That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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