I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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