I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
