I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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