So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
