You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
