wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
