Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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