I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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