What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
