somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
