If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
