I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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