Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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