ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
