Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
