My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
