"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
