THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
