At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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