The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
