Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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