On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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