OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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