he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
