I think i peed on brittanys purse
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
