Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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