i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
