a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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