My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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