I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
