they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
