you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
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So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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