i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
