I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
