I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
