His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
