why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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