She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
