By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
