Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
