I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
