My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
