She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
