i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
