I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
