two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
