$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
