My nipple is on Facebook.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
