We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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