you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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