I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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