Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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