Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
