Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
