Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need to calm my uterus...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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