shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
