I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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