I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
