I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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