hotel room ftw
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
