JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
