I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
