I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need a beard to bite.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
