my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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