Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
