Dude my mom stole all your condoms
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
