My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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