I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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