so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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