It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
